How to Talk So Kids Can Learn - Reading Together - The Pitfalls of Punishment: Alternatives That Lead to Self-Discipline

ALTERNATIVES TO PUNISHMENT
At Home and in School

Instead of threatening punishment, you can:

1. POINT OUT A WAY TO BE HELPFUL.
“I hear your frustration. It would be helpful if you could express it without cursing.”

2. EXPRESS YOUR STRONG DISAPPROVAL (WITHOUT ATTACKING CHARACTER).
“That kind of language upsets me.”

3. STATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS.
“I expect you to find some other way to let me know how angry you are.”

4. SHOW THE CHILD HOW TO MAKE AMENDS.
“What I’d like to see is a list of some strong words you could use instead of the ones you just did. Try the dictionary or thesaurus if you need help.”

5. OFFER A CHOICE.
“You can curse to yourself—in your head—or you can use words that won’t offend anyone.” (And if the child continues to use obscenities?)

6. LET THE CHILD EXPERIENCE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS BEHAVIOR.
“When I hear those words, I lose all desire to help you—with math or anything else.”

(locations 1059-1075, Kindle Edition)

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