How to Talk So Kids Can Learn - Reading Together - The Pitfalls of Punishment: Alternatives That Lead to Self-Discipline

ALTERNATIVES TO PUNISHMENT
At Home and in School

Instead of threatening punishment, you can:

1. POINT OUT A WAY TO BE HELPFUL.
“I hear your frustration. It would be helpful if you could express it without cursing.”

2. EXPRESS YOUR STRONG DISAPPROVAL (WITHOUT ATTACKING CHARACTER).
“That kind of language upsets me.”

3. STATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS.
“I expect you to find some other way to let me know how angry you are.”

4. SHOW THE CHILD HOW TO MAKE AMENDS.
“What I’d like to see is a list of some strong words you could use instead of the ones you just did. Try the dictionary or thesaurus if you need help.”

5. OFFER A CHOICE.
“You can curse to yourself—in your head—or you can use words that won’t offend anyone.” (And if the child continues to use obscenities?)

6. LET THE CHILD EXPERIENCE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS BEHAVIOR.
“When I hear those words, I lose all desire to help you—with math or anything else.”

(locations 1059-1075, Kindle Edition)

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How to Talk So Kids Can Learn - Reading Together - Seven Skills That Invite Kids to Cooperate

ENGAGING COOPERATION
At Home and in School

Instead of questioning and criticizing, you can:

1. DESCRIBE THE PROBLEM.
“I see wet paint all over the floor.”

2. GIVE INFORMATION.
“It’s easier to remove paint before it dries.”

3. OFFER A CHOICE.
“You can clean it up with a wet rag or a damp sponge.”

4. SAY IT WITH A WORD OR GESTURE.
“The paint!”

5. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL.
“I don’t like seeing the floor splattered with paint.”

6. PUT IT IN WRITING.
ATTENTION ALL ARTISTS: Kindly restore floor to original condition before leaving the room. Thank you, The Management

7. BE PLAYFUL (USE ANOTHER VOICE OR ACCENT).
In country-and-western style sing: Ah see paint thar on the floor, An’ it’s a sight ah do deplore. Git out your mop an’ rags galore, An’ help to do this little chore.

(locations 742-759, Kindle Edition)

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How to Talk So Kids Can Learn - Reading Together - How to Deal with Feelings That Interfere with Learning

I've really been enjoying this book and have found it quite helpful so far. I've decided to post the summaries located towards the end of each chapter, because they will help me to remember the main points.

CHILDREN NEED TO HAVE THEIR FEELINGS ACKNOWLEDGED
At Home and in School

Instead of dismissing the child’s feelings, you can:

1. IDENTIFY THE CHILD’S FEELINGS.
“You sound very disappointed. It can be upsetting when you know the answer and lose points for careless mistakes.”

2. ACKNOWLEDGE THE CHILD’S FEELINGS WITH A SOUND OR WORD.
“Oh” or “Mmm” or “Uh” or “I see.”

3. GIVE THE CHILD IN FANTASY WHAT YOU CAN’T GIVE HIM IN REALITY.
“Wouldn’t it be great if you had a magic pencil that would stop writing if you were about to make a mistake!”

4. ACCEPT THE CHILD’S FEELINGS EVEN AS YOU STOP UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR.
“You’re still so angry about that grade, you’re kicking your desk! I can’t allow that. But you can tell me more about what’s upsetting you. Or you can draw it.”

(locations 330-343, Kindle Edition)

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Lesson Resources on Tchaikovsky

Lesson Plan for Swan Lake

Biography and Easy Piano Arrangments

Tchaikovsky's Works

Carnegie Hall and Tchaikovsky

Lesson Plan for Contrasting Swan Lake and Symphony No. 4

Highlights from Tchaikovsky's Main Ballets

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How to Talk So Kids Can Learn - Reading Together

Welcome to the newest Reading Together series. I'll be posting a summary about our reading each week on Tuesdays. Come join us!

We'll be reading How to Talk So Kids Can Learn by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. You can get a copy from your local library, your favorite bookstore, or pick up a copy from Amazon.

We'll read one chapter a week.
I'll post about the first installment on Tuesday, August 1. That means you have two weeks to get a copy of the book and to read the first chapter.

The great thing about this program is that it allows us to read works together that can help us in our professional development as well as providing a level of accountability and the added interest of comparing notes as we read together.

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